With the new year coming up, a lot of us are making resolutions. Before I get onto the main point of this post I want to talk about my problem with New Year Resolutions.

While I like the concept of New Years Resolutions, I don't think they're always healthy. If you're like me and you always struggle to keep to them, you find yourself less motivated to set them because you are very much aware that you would be disappointing yourself much sooner than you would have hoped. I also don't think you need it to be the start of a new year to set yourself a goal to become a better form of yourself.

My question is this: If you want to start eating healthy and working out, then why would you say "I'll make that my New Year's Resolution" because, well let's face it, that's procrastinating like crazy. If you want to improve yourself, then do it now.

Having said that, I like the idea of resolutions. I like the idea of setting yourself goals and the idea of trying to become a better version about yourself. It's good, but here's where I get to the point of the title - your productivity doesn't define your self-worth.

It's a loose link but hear me out.

My New Years Resolutions always require me to be productive, they're things such as going for runs on a regular basis, or making sure I eat better, write more, be more creative... The thing is that there are days where I'm not productive at all, and on those days I feel like I've let myself down. I feel like a disappointment to myself and that just lowers my motivation to do everything even more until I fall into a pit of self-loathing and disappointment.

My first pointer for avoiding this is don't make anything huge for a resolution. Keep it simple, keep it something you want to do to become a better version of yourself, but keep the pressure light.
My second pointer is don't let how productive you are define your self worth.

Being productive is great. It makes us feel good, and like we've achieved something. However it's perfectly fine to have unproductive days. The amount of days I've had recently where I've done nothing and beat myself up about it and I'm slowly realising that I don't have to. Sometimes our body needs days of doing nothing so we can mentally (and physically) recover. If you're struggling with mental health sometimes the smallest of things can really take it out of you, and so you shouldn't be angry with yourself if you do nothing. You deserve to do nothing.

In conclusion: If you want to make New Years Resolutions then go for it, but make them achievable and keep as much pressure off yourself as possible, if you stick to them, then great and you should be proud of yourself, but if you don't, then it's not the end of the world, and it doesn't make you any less of a person. Have fun with them and make them something that's ultimately going to help you enjoy life that little bit more.

Because I'm a productive bean I've already planned the next post where I'll be reviewing all of the highs and lows of the year. It'll be a long one so stay tuned!

Until next time,
-M x

Christmas is only six days away and it's slightly terrifying if you ask me. It feels like only yesterday us Brits were loving life in the heatwave and our unexpected success in the World Cup (unless you were me and spent most of those weeks recovering from a panic attack that had the paramedics round because you couldn't feel your limbs and kept talking about bringing the Pope flowers...)

Anyway...

Christmas is typically a time for us all to be happy. For us to spend time with those closest to us and to celebrate by eating lots of good food, enjoying each others company and opening and giving gifts. While this is all brilliant fun, it's important that we don't forget about those who are less fortunate. And while yes, we should definitely be considerate of those people who don't have a family this Christmas, and considerate to all those families who can't afford to have a beautiful Christmas, this isn't what this post is about.

Toxic relationships can be within your immediate family. They can also be in your not-so-immediate family, basically you could have a toxic relationship with anyone. The important thing to remember is that you don't have to see anyone. If you'd avoid this person on a day-to-day basis for the sake of your mental health then please remember that when it comes to having the opportunity to see them for Christmas. It's your choice, and your mental health is important, especially at Christmas which would be the worst time for you to make yourself miserable by talking to and seeing people you would otherwise avoid.

Likewise if it gets to the point where you're supposed to go and see someone for Christmas, and you don't feel mentally up to going then just cancel or reschedule. There's no shame in doing so, you wouldn't apologise if you had to cancel because you broke your leg, and having a difficult time with your mental health is a similar situation, while there might not be any physical pain, it can sometimes limit your capabilities just as much.

The last point I want to make is, if you're like me and are having a slightly difficult time financially, then please don't feel bad about not being able to buy the gifts you wanted to buy for people. The people who truly care for you will just appreciate your company, and (not to sound cheesy) your smiles and conversations. Christmas should be about spending time with the people you love, not about who got who what and how much it cost them. Just enjoy your time with your loved ones, and those who truly deserve your love and time won't care that you struggled with gifts.

My main point in this post is that no matter how you are mentally, it's important to put yourself first sometimes. I get that it can feel selfish, but sometimes that's healthy. Sometimes your body needs rest, and needs time to recover, and that's the same for your brain. So don't feel bad about putting your mental health first this Christmas. Remember that you're just as important as everyone else around you, and how you'd feel if someone told you they couldn't see you because they felt too depressed or anxious to leave the house.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year, and I'll speak to you all later.

Until next time,
-M x

So, I admit... This is my second time attempting a mental health blog, the first one was on a different website and I honestly couldn't get on with the customisation tools... Or lack thereof. Therefore I've come crawling back to blogger, and I'm glad to be back.

Firstly I would like to say what this blog's aim is. It's a space for me to interact with you. It's a space for me to share my stories and the tips I've learned on dealing with bad mental health. It's to try and make it a safe space for people feel comfortable talking about mental health and to try and make it much less of a taboo topic than it is now. (Even though it's come a long way in the past couple of years which is great.)

I'm really passionate about mental health as it's something very close to me. I don't want to be afraid to get personal on here because that's what it's for, it's to prove that there's nothing to be ashamed to talk about. It might take me some getting used to, but eventually I hope I'll be able to feel mighty confident on here, and hopefully make a safe space, even if it's only a small one, for people to talk.

First I'd like to tell you all a little bit about my mental health. When I was sixteen I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'm now nearly twenty three and my anxiety is the worst it's been since I was doing my A Levels when I first got diagnosed, except this time it's slightly worse because this time round I'm an adult, and I have responsibilities that I can't afford while my mental health is in a bad shape. It goes round and round in circles, but I'm slowly getting there.

I had therapy twice, as well as seeing the school counsellor when I was sixteen. Therapy was good and I would definitely recommend it. It allows you to get rid of all your dark and troubled thoughts out onto someone you don't have to be scared about being ashamed or disappointed in you. That's how it was for me, anyway. I felt so ashamed and scared to tell my family that I was self-harming and having suicidal thoughts, but I told me therapist and she helped me through those feelings and made me feel better about them. Even if it's not to do that, even if you just want some advice on what to do, if you want to know why you're feeling the way you are. There's always a good reason to see a therapist in my opinion.

Now for the first time I'm on antidepressants for my anxiety. It's been something I didn't want since I was first diagnosed. I've always been very adamant that I didn't want medication, so it was difficult for me to say yes when my doctor asked me. After weeks of convincing myself it meant giving up, I suddenly realised that this didn't mean I was giving up, it meant I was strong enough to admit that I needed help. For years I'd refused it due to my own stubbornness and independence while telling myself that I could get better on my own. I'd had this mindset for so long that I did feel like I'd let myself down by finally accepting the medication, but actually it meant that I had to be strong enough to say "actually yeah... I could do with a little help".

I'll leave it there otherwise I'd ramble all night. But I want big things for this blog. I have lots to share, and lots of stories to tell and I hope you'll join in.

Until next time,
-M x