When I was in therapy at age 16, there was something I was always told to do in a situation where I feel particularly anxious or stressed. She never called it the helicopter view, but it's clear now that that's what I was being told to practice.
It basically means looking at a situation from an outside perspective like you're looking at something from another angle. Basically completely removing yourself from the situation so you can see it all for exactly what it is. Imagine lots of traffic and being stressed about traffic. Now imagine being able to be in a helicopter and look at the situation. You're not going to be stressed because of traffic because you're no longer in that situation. This really does take time and practice, and sometimes it can be more difficult than others, but once you can take yourself mentally out of a situation, it can be slightly easier to deal with.
One example that I can think of where I tried this for the first time was when I was on a bus. I was already anxious because where I was going, I'd never been before and so I wasn't sure where I'd need to get off. This was amplified by the fact I couldn't even use any map apps on my phone because we were going down back roads where there wasn't much GPS coverage so I had to completely rely on my friends telling me what I needed to be looking out for, and them telling me that they'll wait at the bus stop so I'll know I need to get off when I see them. That helped a little, but I still had no idea where I was for the duration of the journey and that was enough to completely put me on edge. Then it got worse.
The bus broke down. Like I said, I had absolutely no clue where I was or what was happening. This was my worst nightmare, I had no signal on my phone to call mum to pick me up or to message any of my friends to tell them what was happening. If there's anything that makes me more anxious it's the thought of having a panic attack while I'm out on my own. Which naturally just creates a vicious circle of panic and at this point I just wanted to go home. Everyone was still on the bus, but the driver wasn't telling us anything, he was just making phone calls here and there but no one knew anything.
Then I tried to remove myself from the situation. I took a deep breath and analysed what was going on. The bus had broken down. Everyone was in the same position as me; wanting to get somewhere but ended up sitting on a broken down bus in the middle of nowhere with no signal on their phones. I listened to the bus driver, eventually realising that he was ringing the bus company and trying to organise a pick up and an engineer to come and look at the bus. I think I must have been too busy panicking about panicking before to realise what he was talking about on the phone.
Why was I so anxious? Because I didn't know where I was.
Can that be changed? Yes.
Was it going to be changed? Of course, the driver was on the phone sorting something out.
Was anyone else worried? I don't think so.
What, logically, is the worst that will happen? Another bus won't be able to turn up and I'll have to walk around, find somewhere with signal, and ring mum for her to come pick me up.
What probably could happen? Another bus will come and pick everyone else up and take us to where we are supposed to go.
And that's exactly what happened. By analysing a situation logically and reasonably you can really calm yourself down. I know it's difficult in that moment because you're so panicked about everything else going on around you, but all it takes is a breath and a willingness to try and look at it from another perspective. Like you're in a helicopter looking down at a group of people going through the same thing and knowing what's going to happen to them. Just because you're in that situation, it doesn't make it any different.
As I said, it does take a little practice and it's not always easy, especially if you're so far out of your comfort zone anyway. The best thing to do is to practice your breathing and just try and focus on objective things rather than everything that might not go right.
I hope this was somewhat informative if not helpful. I think this is definitely something I need to practice more. I feel like I kind of let go of trying to look at situations differently, and just always assumed the worst which isn't really a healthy outlook on life, especially if that life is riddled with self-doubt and overthinking every situation you're in. I'm getting there though.
I'll speak to you all on Monday
Until then,
-M x
