I'd drafted a post like this a while ago, but in typical Megan fashion I didn't like it enough to post it. Then this morning after a good four hour sleep, I saw a tweet.
My original post was talking about how depression has many different faces. How for some people it's turning to alcohol and drugs, and for some people it's hurting themselves. For some people it's leaving the house and rarely coming home and for some it's never leaving their bedroom. Depression isn't a universal illness with set symptoms, treatments and coping strategies. Antidepressants work for some people, and not for others. Counselling works for some people, and not for others.
Talking more about the symptoms of depression and going back to the tweet. And this is were I go on a little rant.
In my own personal experience, whenever I am going through a depressive episode I get very grumpy and snappy with the people I care about. I will cry over nothing, I will get angry at nothing and I am pretty much 90% self-loathing at these times, not made any better by the fact that I can't even be a nice person to the people I love most. The last thing I need is to be told that if I laugh, I can't be depressed when I already feel a lot of guilt when I feel happy in a depressive episode. It also fills me with dread because if I'm happy, that's great but how long until it ends?
Now, to play devils advocate here I can understand where this dude is coming from. Laughter does help, of course it does. I'm not trying to disregard that what he is saying is a proven fact. It's good to laugh in any case. Ever heard the term 'laughter is the best form of medicine'? The dude's not entirely wrong, laughter helps with depression (in my case anyway) and people should be laughing more. But he could have worded it better, as in don't try and make it seem like laughter and depression are mutually exclusive.
This is why people with depression feel that guilt when they laugh. It's why we feel guilty when we're happy and we're 'supposed to be depressed'. The two can 100% exist in the same space and should be encouraged, but laughter and happiness should not count towards invalidating someone's mental struggles.
Going back to the point of depression having many different faces, looking at the replies to this tweet there were a few that talked about how through being suicidal they've been the happiest they've ever been. On that note I am really glad that person is still here to be able to tweet that and hopefully bring awareness for people to just think about a depressed person. If you see us laughing, don't try and invalidate our depression. If you see a person without depression looking miserable and tired you wouldn't automatically assume they are suffering with depression would you? This is basically saying 'Being grumpy and miserable can't exist if you're a happy person'.
This tweet was just invalidating as heck for me and I wanted to have a bit of a rant about it while also trying to bring awareness to the fact that people who are suffering are allowed to laugh. Laughter and happiness should be encouraged, not feared because it may make it seem like we're not suffering, or that we're only suffering when it's convenient or whatever BS people like to think when they can't see the bigger picture.
So in conclusion... If you are suffering with depression like myself and you find yourself laughing or having a good day, embrace it. While it would be lovely is laughter cured depression, sadly it doesn't. However, it helps and shouldn't make you feel guilty or invalidated which can sometimes bring the crash down worse (well it does for me anyway). It's a tricky one to talk about. Yes, laugh more. But understand that you having a good day won't mean people will start to not believe you or help you because you seem 'too happy to be depressed'. I honestly don't understand people who seem to be under the impression that if you suffer from depression you're just not allowed to feel happiness otherwise you're clearly not depressed. Shouldn't we be trying to encourage depressed people to talk about their good days in order to help others? Not try and make them feel invalidated and 'cured' because who does that help? Absolutely no one.
I apologise that this post was a little ranty. It's been something I've been meaning to get off my chest for a while and seeing this tweet made it a lot easier for me.
I will hopefully be about on Friday, but no promises. Like I say in my about me section. Unless life gets in the way and recently it's been doing that. I'm getting there though, slowly but surely.
Until next time,
-M x
