It can be easy to feel like it sometimes. For me the feeling can already be there, and upon trying to help myself with something I find enjoyable, and that thing doesn’t go how I want it to, the feeling gets stronger and I’m left feeling utterly defeated, and wondering what the point of it all is.
It’s important to recognise when your thoughts are this desperate that something simple going wrong can completely bring you down. For me today it was baking. I’ve recently come off my antidepressants (and by recently I mean today is my second day with no pills) and so I’m already struggling to determine how I’m feeling. Am I grumpy? Sad? Just a little glum or unmotivated? Or am I on the verge of a mental breakdown that’s going to stop me caring about whether I relapse or not? It’s difficult to know and I’m only on day two so suffice to say I’m scared of how the next couple of weeks are going to go.
To try and make things a little lighter, my boyfriend suggested we bake together, something that we rarely do, but we enjoy it nonetheless. What we baked fell to pieces and my mood completely sunk and I just wanted to cry. These past couple of days I’ve felt like a failure and like I was constantly letting people down, and this was just the icing on the cake (unintentional baking reference).
Of course I’m not about to give up on myself. The things in my last post were completely true, and I definitely don’t actually want to let people down by giving up. It’s a good thing to constantly practice remembering who’s around you, and remembering those people are usually still there even if you feel like you mess up from time to time, because that’s what true support is. If you give up, what reason are you giving those people to not give up?
It sounds harsh, but sometimes we need a bit of tough love. If you genuinely stop making an effort in life, you really don’t want to carry on looking after yourself or trying to get better, or trying to make things better for yourself then what’s everyone else got to stick around for? If you want to give up, tell people you’re feeling like there’s no point in trying anymore. People are there to support you and give you reasons to keep fighting, so let them do that. Know that those people care about you enough to give you good reasons because they’re not going to give up on you. If other people won’t give up on you, then why would you give up on yourself?
In summary, we know when we’re struggling with things. We know when we just want to stop trying because it seems like far too much effort and most of the time it’s not a lot of payoff in the time we want. It’s demotivating when you’re impatient like me and just want things to be okay instantly, but it’s important to remember that good things take time, and to not forget the people around you want to help keep you motivated when you’re at your weakest. This could be relating to life, to school or work, to self-care, to medication, to anything. We can accept we’re struggling because that’s good practice. We can’t let that part of our brain win though, that’s not so good practice. We’re all in this together, and it’s good to recognise that you’re not alone, both people who are suffering with you, have suffered before or have never suffered and just want to help you. All of these people should be appreciated.
This post has been a bit of a ramble, so apologies for that. I’ve just been feeling a little defeated today and needed to make a hypocritical post hoping I’ll take something from it, but I usually don’t. Worth a shot though, right?
Until next time,
-M xc
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