I kind of want to aim some of my posts to people who are there to support friends and/or family struggling. It's important that they get some attention too as supporting someone going through something as devastating as depression can be super draining, and challenging and sometimes you might actually feel like you're not helping at all.
I can tell you with great confidence you help just by accepting our mental struggles.
It's very uplifting sometimes just knowing that our depression, anxiety, BPD, or any other mental illness is being seen as valid to those closest to us. The amount of times we've heard the "It's simple, you just have to get over it" or the "you're laughing, so you can't really be depressed" or my personal favourite; "Yeah I'm pretty sad too"
While I'm not invalidating your sadness, feeling sad and being diagnosed with clinical depression is much different. If you're sad there's usually the reason, and that reason can almost always find a solution. Depression can be feeling much sadder than just sad. Imagine being so sad your chest feels like someone's piled rocks on it. It's being so distraught you find yourself crying for no reason, it's feeling so sad that the only way you can express that sadness is by hurting yourself.
While I'm not invalidating your sadness, feeling sad and being diagnosed with clinical depression is much different. If you're sad there's usually the reason, and that reason can almost always find a solution. Depression can be feeling much sadder than just sad. Imagine being so sad your chest feels like someone's piled rocks on it. It's being so distraught you find yourself crying for no reason, it's feeling so sad that the only way you can express that sadness is by hurting yourself.
Our depression is not something we do just to be relatable. Our anxieties aren't things we can just 'get over' and just because I'm having a good day does not in any way invalidate my mental illness. I'm going to create a quick list of things that a person can do with little to no effort to show their support.
1. Listen
I think this is pretty obvious. It always feels better when we know someone is listening to us and actually cares about what we're saying.
2. Send us a text
Checking in isn't 'overbearing'. In our times of complete darkness it's nice to have someone make the effort to see if you're okay. Even if it wasn't that much effort to pick up your phone and type "You okay?" if it's meant sincerely it means the world.
3. Try to understand
This is a big one for me and I'm going to guess for a lot of other people as well. If you don't fully understand something like depression or anxiety and so can't really understand our situation, that's fine. We don't really mind as long as you don't belittle our illnesses. However (for me anyway) it really makes my heart happy when I hear about people doing a bit of googling here and there to try and better understand what I'm going through. Just that tiny ounce of effort feels so good to us, and it's something that will always be greatly appreciated.
It's not that difficult to help us, even though it can sometimes feel like you are utterly useless. Please know you're not. Whether you're googling things to try and understand our struggles a bit better or simply just being a shoulder to cry on. Do not try to invalidate us by bringing up a time where it didn't seem like we were sick, do not put our 'bad moods' down to periods, or being hungry, or tired, and please do not try and think we're just trying to be relatable because if we could be relatable with anything, it wouldn't be with any negative feelings going on in our heads.
Helping is simple. Sometimes something you do might not feel like you're good enough at helping. It could be if you have a mini phone call therapy session and your friend still cries themselves to sleep. Please know that your 'therapy session' helped more than you know, but just because we've talked through what's making us sad, or have talked openly about how deeply depressed we are, it doesn't mean we are magically cured, but know that while we might be crying ourselves to sleep, we are so grateful and thankful that we have someone to listen to us. That's really all we need at the end of the day.
Thanks for reading, I will speak to you Monday
Until then,
-M x
It's not that difficult to help us, even though it can sometimes feel like you are utterly useless. Please know you're not. Whether you're googling things to try and understand our struggles a bit better or simply just being a shoulder to cry on. Do not try to invalidate us by bringing up a time where it didn't seem like we were sick, do not put our 'bad moods' down to periods, or being hungry, or tired, and please do not try and think we're just trying to be relatable because if we could be relatable with anything, it wouldn't be with any negative feelings going on in our heads.
Helping is simple. Sometimes something you do might not feel like you're good enough at helping. It could be if you have a mini phone call therapy session and your friend still cries themselves to sleep. Please know that your 'therapy session' helped more than you know, but just because we've talked through what's making us sad, or have talked openly about how deeply depressed we are, it doesn't mean we are magically cured, but know that while we might be crying ourselves to sleep, we are so grateful and thankful that we have someone to listen to us. That's really all we need at the end of the day.
Thanks for reading, I will speak to you Monday
Until then,
-M x
0 comments